Outlet

You keep on ignoring me and it pisses me off so fucking much, I cannot stand it when people ignore, like it is one of the worst things that you can ever do and it was on MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TOO. As if it wasn't shit enough as it is. Don't you fucking dare try and talk to me.

I woke up at 12pm after going to sleep at 3am. I didn't do anything. My auntie brought me my new laptop which was very kind of her and I am very grateful. Then we went out for a meal that I didn't want to go to where my mum and brother argued about the same shit over and over again, and then we went home. I went straight upstairs and said that I was tired and have been pretty much crying ever since.

How the fuck could you just walk away? Whenever I fucking need you, you piss off. 'Oh, it'll be different this time'. GET FUCKED. It's exactly the same! I need you and you walk away and ignore me, hoping that I'll go away.

Why don't I just fucking go away then? Hmm? WHY FUCKING DON'T I?

And you, you little whore. I gave you fucking links and replied to your cunting tweets and YOU FUCKING IGNORED ME. Flat out ignored me. Why the fuck do I bother trying to socialise with people? I might as well not have bothered. Not like it took a lot of courage for me to even click reply and you FUCKING IGNORE IT!

I actually give up on trying to socialise with people. If people want to talk to me, then they can but I doubt I will want to talk to them. People piss me off. That's why I have to have my headphones and iPod with me constantly; I can't stand to be around other people. I can easily block out my surroundings visually, but I find it hard to block out my hearing.

Everything I do get disregarded, I try and talk to someone and they ignore it, even in person. A lot of people are doing that lately. I'm beginning to think that I'm ceasing to exist and that soon I won't exist.

I want to change myself drastically, I don't want to be recognisable. I know how to, I just need to.

I still haven't told anyone about Lia. I doubt that anyone would care at all about what I have to say about her and how I feel about it. I have to do into the City today to get an outfit for her funeral. I really don't want to though. It should be me and her going shopping for things.