Early November.

He turns up at my door with a card.
He didn't write the card, someone else did but he said what he wanted to say in it.
He said he missed me and that he wanted to be with me.
I told him to fuck off.

November 24th.
I'm in a room full of people with Emma and one of my idols is stood in front of my with an umberella saying 'Fuck' on it, Wednesday 13. It's the best day of that year, and then I turn around.

I had my boots on, I could see the door to get it. And then I clock him. He's there and I'm not exactly easy to spot. I'm on the front row and 6ft tall. He tried to get closer to me but Emma makes sure that he doesn't and keeps on looking to see if he gets closer and we move to the side a bit.

A few days later, I get a message on Facebook. He wants to meet up. It's 3am and I'm not asleep so I say okay. I just need some comfort.

I sleep in his bed that night.

I wake up and his face is right in my face and he is breathing on me. It fucking stinks, like what the fuck is wrong with you. I turn over and he wakes up. We spent the day watching dvd's in bed.

I go home at about 6pm.

Then he calls me at 3am again and asks me to come around so I do.

We're lying on his bed and we're just talking. He starts telling me what he likes about me. He said he liked that I'm dominant. He asked me what I liked about him so I had to lie to his face. I honestly think he is fucking vile and I did at the time. I thought he was a useless fat piece of shit who is never going to achieve anything in his fucking life. I told him that I liked that he was submissive, I could control him, I could make him do whatever the fuck I want. Then I just started telling him. I was just telling him how pathetic he is.

And then he just flipped. He had his hands holding down my wrists and his knees on my legs so I couldn't move. He had me pinned down and then he started touching me. He took off my top and starting calling me a whore. He told me I was filthy. I told him to stop but he didn't listen and carried on. I couldn't get him off me because he was too heavy. He was breathing in my fucking face and it fucking stank.
I was weak and couldn't do anything. I was so scared of what he would do.

And then something in me went 'What the fuck is this shit?' and I managed to push him off me and I just started punching him in the face. I don't even fucking know, I don't remember much. I stomped and his balls, spat on him and just left like it was nothing. I just walked out of the house, went home and went to sleep.

I think about it all the time. When I sleep, I have nightmares about it. I wake up screaming and I can taste him so I go and brush my teeth until they bleed.

I just needed to let this out because I've only told 1 person and that was very recent and I didn't tell her everything.