The blue dress with flowers

The one that I bought for her. She was wearing it. I suppose it's time that I talk about it.

After a few months of not speaking, Lia called me one night and I was asleep. She called me 15 times. When I woke up the next day, I looked at my phone and saw all of the missed calls and still ignored it. I didn't want to speak to her.

Angela, her mum, called me 2 days later saying that Lia was in hospital and was unconscious. She was calling me that night because she needed help, she needed me to help her and talk to her, and I chose not to.

She didn't make it through and now I feel sick all of the time.

If I wasn't such a bitch and answered the phone, she'd still be here.

It's all my fucking fault.

The funeral was a couple of weeks ago and I didn't tell anybody, not even my mum. Lia was wearing the blue dress with flowers that I bought her for her birthday. It didn't look the same.

That's why it pisses me off when I ask for help and I get ignored. Maybe I deserve to be ignored, maybe that's what I get for not answering the fucking phone.

Fuck

My head is going to fucking explode with all of the shit that's inside it.