No, no, NO!

Tonight I went out with an old friend, I haven't seen her in roughly a year and tonight I felt like my old self.
We watched What To Expect When You're Expecting and it's really good actually.

I spent the whole day getting really excited for tonight. About half an hour before she came to my house, I was slipping into my old self but amplified 100x. It only increased when I saw her. I HAD to keep her laughing, I just had to, I couldn't have her not laughing so I didn't stop. For 4 hours I kept her laughing, for 4 hours I had a massive high and felt like I was on top of the world.

I walked her to the bus stop and waited with her until her bus came, then it went.
It's like she took all of that energy and high with her on the bus. Now I just feel so alone and shit.
I'm going to the doctors on Wednesday and I am hoping that I don't get diagnosed with something, I really don't.
I just want to scream, I don't want this to happen to me. I don't want to be this person. Don't make me that person. I can see myself fading away and there's nothing I can do to stop it.