My nails need to be completely re-done.

They're blunted right now, which I'm glad of because I worry about what I would do if they were still sharp.
Today, I managed to cut the inside of my throat. Guess how? Yup, doing the exact thing that the nails were meant to stop me doing. This is why I got the nails, so that if I did P, the consequences would be punishment.

I wonder if Chelsea knows or not. I told her that I did when I got drunk at hers at Christmas. She tried to bring it up ages ago when I said I didn't want anything to eat, she asked me if it was because of what I said at Christmas and I wasn't sure what she meant. But she brushed it off because other people were around us.

Today I wore a skirt with just one pair of tights on, skin coloured tights. I felt self conscious all day. Natasha wore a pair of shorts that looked like a pair of 6 year old's shorts. She honestly has the body of a 6 year old it's funny. She wears 2 pairs of shorts under everything and she thinks she's attractive. She is honestly the most vile person I have ever met. She is stupid and thinks that she is better than everyone.

I got chatted up at th gym today, right after I had finished and my face was red and i was sweating like the fat pig that I am. I told him that I don't like guys ad he was so shocked. It pisses me off so much when people say 'Oh you don't look gay are you sure that you are?'. Yes I fucking am sure. Shut the fuck up

I then had the stupid idea to take my tights off which was weird. I felt people staring at my scars and it made me very uncomfortable. I looked at my full body reflection in a shop window as I was walking past. I was honestly disgusted.

I wonder what people say about me. Oh her, that fat one?

Marli always called me thick and it makes me die a little inside.
'Thick, thick, thick.'
'You're a thick girl.'

And then Chelsea.
'This is a 14, it's massive'
'I can feel my legs moving when I walk it's gross'
'If someone called me thick, it would make me not want to eat'

I remember a lot of stuff, and the things that hurt stick in my head, like fully burnt into my brain. Which is why when someone has said something about me, whether they meant it or not, how I am with you will never be the same. It is permanently in my head now and it will be repeating in my head several times a day so thank you, adding fuel to the fire, thank you so much. I remember things that the kids used to say to me when I was 7 years old and they still hurt just as much.

If anyone is reading this please do not even jokingly say something offensive or hurtful to me. You really don't know the impact it has on me you honestly don't.