After Saturday's shit, I've tried to be more positive. Tried to get negative thoughts out of my head, it's working so far, but people around me aren't making it any easier for me, talking about scars, hurting themselves and psychological disorders.
I was thinking yesterday, what if I didn't make friends at college. I'm not sure how I would be right now, whether I'd even be alive or not, I don't like being on my own, and I don't think I could managed with being on my own 7 days a week.
I noticed today that I'm one of the tallest in our friend circle, apart from Gina and Olivia being 5'11, everyone else is shorter than me.
I only noticed when I was talking to Natasha that I slouch and bend my knees when she talks to me so that I'm the same height as her. She picked up on it, she told me that it made her feel better about the people around her, especially when she's talking about something private.
I like to think that I help people, I'm actually really shit. I make people laugh, it makes them feel better, but I can't change the way they think or even cheer them up without physically making them laugh.
I don't know, I might start reading Wintergirls again, it always restarts something in me, I don't know what, like cogs ticking.
Sarah gets back in 8 days, I can honestly say that I'm scared, I don't know what she'll be like. It sounds stupid but in her last few letters, her writing is completely different to her first letter, that has to mean something right? I looked through her blog last night, and I see it happened to me, I don't even care. I don't think anybody will pick up on it with me, people are either too stupid or just don't care.
This is long, my hands hurt, and I need to make more bracelets and dreamcatchers.
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